Owen now Showin’

Paramount gives good screening.

I arrived at Mann’s Theater in Hollywood Tuesday afternoon and sought out the press check-in table. I was looking forward to seeing Paramount’s “Drillbit Taylor”, opening this weekend and starring Owen Wilson, aka, The Butterscotch Stallion. (Mr. Wilson is very popular with the ladies – and not just at the box office. Unfortunately, there was premiere for the movie so I would not be able to see Mr. Wilson up close and personal on the red carpet, just far away and publicly on the big screen.)

Upon locating my name on the list, a publicist handed me a coupon that I assumed was redeemable for the purchase and production of my first screenplay. (After all, I had twice touched the Paramount gates during a studio tour for good luck as tradition dictates.) On closer inspection, I saw that the ticket entitled me to free popcorn and soda. Certainly, a 3-picture deal and an office on the lot couldn’t be far behind.

I’m not a professional movie-reviewer, just a professional movie-goer. And, I love the movies so much that the mere fact that something is on celluloid and playing in a theater makes me like it even before I wrap myself in my old-lady sweater and settle into my seat.  I don’t possess a critic’s sensibility or vernacular, so I end up telling friends that a film was either worth two hours of their lives and 11 of their hard-earned dollars, or that they’d be better off using that money for a complicated coffee beverage or a gallon of gas.

My verdict on “Drillbit” is that it’s cute and will no doubt be a big hit among the weekly-allowance, parent-pick-up-and-drop-off-as-far-from-the-entrance-as-possible set.  “Drillbit” did make me laugh outloud a few times, and it was fun, though I did disturb my row mates and risk uncomfortable knee-bumping to use the restroom partway through the film instead of forcing myself to wait until the end so I wouldn’t miss anything. (It rates a “7″ out of 10 on the Bladder-Relief/Snack-Stand Visit During-the-Movie meter.)

Of course, I have to point out that there’s a mini-love story in which Owen Wilson, who plays a covert high-school bodyguard for some bully-targeted kids, is hot-for-teacher and wants to take the fetching Leslie Mann on a romantic date instead of only engaging in “after-school activities”.  (Hope springs eternal, ladies.)

Also opening this weekend is Tyler Perry’s “Meet the Browns”, which I have not yet seen, but plan to. Still in theaters: The Bank Job, which I found to be entertaining and British sexycool, with Jason Statham as an irresistably untameable alpha-male heartbreaker/lawbreaker. (“9″ out of 10 on the BRSSVDM meter.)

Well, I’d better dash before the day gets away from me. I need to go lift some weights to fend off that pesky Osteoporosis and excavate that little bicep bump before it disappears forever into upper-arm anonymity. For those of you who celebrate the holiday, I hope the Easter Bunny fills your basket with lots of goodies and that you have the patience to pick off every last speck of foil before consuming them.  This is also a big church-going weekend where fashion and religion intersect and people don their Sunday best to attend services. (As a natural consequence of my job as a Red Carpet reporter, my mind sometimes drifts into fashion commentary mode during mass: “The woman in the 6th pew to the right of the altar took a chance on a pastel dress and jewel-tone hat, but, Amen, it seems to work.”)

Back soon!